


Jealousy

by offensiveagentpie



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Gift Fic, Jealousy, M/M, hermann just doesn't know what to do with his feelings, newmann - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 08:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3242963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/offensiveagentpie/pseuds/offensiveagentpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermann can’t seem to stop noticing just how <i>tactile</i> Newton is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slightly_oblivvyous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightly_oblivvyous/gifts).



> This is a gift fic for the ever lovely [slightly-oblivvyous](http://slightly-oblivvyous.tumblr.com) in exchange for two really amazing Pacific Rim inspired sewing projects that she gave me!
> 
> She wanted something involving Newmann and jealousy, with some Tendo on the side. 
> 
> As you can see, I continue to be terrible at titles and endings. I also claim all mistakes as my own. This isn't beta'd, so feel free to point out any errors and flagrant comma abuse.

The first time he _really_ notices it, or at least becomes aware of it, is in LOCCENT. The latest attack is over and things are gradually returning to what now passes for normal in the Shatterdome. Hermann is pouring over data; taking notes on the exact time of the Breach opening and closing, the size of its dilation, everything he can possibly use. He’s scribbling furiously into a small notebook that he always carries, when a voice calls out over the crowd.

“Dr. Geiszler! Good news!” 

Newton is sitting at a screen beside him. He’s got the latest video feed of the kaiju paused and is squinting at its scale patterns. His head turns toward the voice, but his eyes don’t leave the screen in front of him. “Yeah?”

“I’m talking to the crew out at clean up; they said that this one’s almost perfectly preserved. Hardly any damage to all lower internal organs,” a girl sitting over by the communications array says.

The loud ‘whoop’ of triumph that Newton lets out is almost deafening. He bolts upright, his chair rolling away as he hurries over to the girl’s station. Hermann turns and watches as he walks over to the girl. She works in communications tech, her name is Melanie if Hermann is remembering correctly. She’s got short spikey red hair and she’s beaming at Newton’s excitement. She continues smiling as Newton strides over and kisses her on both cheeks, before enveloping her in a tight hug.

A sensation washes over Hermann. Something goes tight in his chest, his skin tingles, and his eyes go out of focus into the middle distance. He’s not sure where it comes from, and he’s not at all pleased with it.

“Oh you’re the best, tell them I owe them all drinks!” Newton grins and Melanie laughs, shooing him away. He practically skips to the door, “Gotta go get the lab ready, think of all those ‘wretched, foul smelling samples’ you’ll have to look forward to, Hermann!” he says cheerfully.

Hermann snaps to once again, mumbling out a dry and non-committal ‘wonderful’ as Newton heads down the hall.

-oOo-

From that day on, Hermann can’t seem to stop noticing just how _tactile_ Newton is. 

Once, as they’re walking down the hallway, he engages in a complex handshake involving all three of the Wei Tang brothers. It ends in one armed embraces and Newton having his hair ruffled. Eating lunch in the mess hall, he gives Sasha Kaidanovsky a friendly pat on the back as he tells a joke, and is nearly crushed when Sasha puts his arm around his shoulders and laughs in response. He’s even seen him conspiratorially elbow Herc Hanson in the arm as they had a whispered conversation over Chuck getting far too drunk on a night out. 

On top of that, Hermann has seen him give high-fives to countless people in the hallway. He’s almost suspicious at just how many people Newton seems to know, let alone well enough to give them casual high-fives in passing. 

It’s absurd. Especially since each time he’s seen it happen since that day in LOCCENT, Hermann gets that same feeling. Like his skin is suddenly too tight and his chest is trying to cave in on itself. It takes him quite some time to figure out, let alone acknowledge, that the feeling is jealousy…or, a bit more accurately, _longing_. 

And it’s longing only because it _never_ happens to him. They spend a majority of their days together and yet…nothing. Yes, Hermann grudgingly admits that he’s the one to have enforced splitting the lab in two, but Newton’s never really followed it. He’s over on Hermann’s side of the lab all the time- leaning over him while he’s on the computer, sitting on the edge of Hermann’s desk while he thinks out loud…always crowding his space but never, ever touching. Even the few times they get crammed onto the same bench in the mess hall, Newton always manages to keep a carefully laid out barrier between them.

And the thing is, Hermann _knows_ that it’s probably him that’s the cause. It’s probably the fact that he always comes across as standoffish; the fact that he’s never really welcomed things like this…but there’s a nagging little voice in his brain that’s telling him that maybe Newton’s not touchy with him because he just doesn’t want to be.

He dwells on it far too long and far too often. He cannot stand it, so he does his best to start ignoring it.

 

It all comes to a head, however, one day as he’s walking down the hall towards the lab for some late evening work. Music is drifting from the open lab doors, and it grows louder as he walks in. 

Newton is sitting at his keyboard and Tendo is sharing the bench with him, facing outwards toward the lab and strumming on a guitar. They’re singing ‘Only the Good Die Young’, surprisingly well. Hermann comes into their line of view and gives them a raised eyebrow, hoping to convey a silent: “Really?” for their song choice.

Newton, however, just grins at him and continues to sing: “So come on Hermann, show me a sign, send up a signal and I'll throw you a line, the equations chalkboard you're hiding behind, never lets the sun…”

Hermann tries his hardest not to, but he feels himself flushing at the change in lyrics. Tendo lets out a laugh and continues to chuckle his way through the next chorus as Hermann takes a seat at his desk. He attempts to focus and not look their way and, for the most part, he succeeds.

The rest of the song passes as the two of them sway back and forth on the bench. When the last notes fade into nothing, Hermann cracks and glances up. He immediately regrets it.

“Newt, my man, I’ll never stop being happy over finding another musician in my midst,” Tendo says, giving Newton an exaggerated and overly theatrical kiss on the lips. “Thanks for the jam session!”

And the thing is, Hermann _knows_ that it’s done as a joke, as a gesture between two friends and nothing more…but he sees red anyway. He quietly seethes as, across the way, Newton laughs and rubs his hand on his mouth.

“Jeeze, Tendo! Buy a starving artist some dinner first!”

Tendo laughs as well. “You know damn well I’m on the same shoe string budget, so stuff it.”

It’s only after Tendo looks Hermann’s way that he realizes he’s been staring. His hands are shaking so hard on his keyboard that it’s making a slight clicking noise, despite the fact that he’s not typing. Tendo, perceptive man that he is, instantly knows something is up.

“Woah there, Dr. Gottlieb,” he says, raising his hands in a peaceful gesture. He swings his guitar around on his back and stands to leave. “You’ll have him all to yourself again in a moment, and I’m sure he’ll be happy to kiss you too,” he says slyly. And he winks, dammit.

Behind him Newton has turned to look as well, his eyes are wide and his face is slowly going red. Hermann is instantly mortified.

“Well it’s not…I wouldn’t want…you both need to grow up!” he stutters out, his own neck growing hot. With a huff, he leaves his desk and walks back out of the lab, mentally cursing himself several kinds of fool. All hopes of getting any work done, gone completely.

-oOo-

The thing about the drift is that, while everything seems to stretch and elongate, it really happens in increments of time so fast that Hermann can only begin to calculate their exact measurements. There’s no control. Everything is instant and eternal.

Within the span of a heartbeat he sees a terrifying world materialize before him; beasts and creatures the likes of which he could never imagine... and in that same world changing heartbeat, he learns that Newton has a strong aversion to grapefruit. Snatches and flashes of memories and feelings, both profound and mundane, are zipping between them like flickering lights.

He sees, for a moment, a montage of all the times he’s noticed Newton being physical with others. He tries to hide it; tries to hide the fact that he’s been dwelling on it for so long, that he’s been wondering and wanting and hoping and not knowing what to do and everything is so frustrating and why on earth can’t he just touch _me_ for once…

In the blink of an eye, things are reversed. He feels the want and longing from Newton’s perspective, the frustration of always being close, but never together…of wanting to close those few inches in the lab, in the hall, in the mess - anywhere, everywhere - but the uncertainty of it not being wanted and the fear of it possibly being rejected is just too much, he’d never be able to stand it if Hermann were to push him away for good…

There’s a sea of never ending blue. Lights, sights, sounds, everything foreign and strange and _alien_ …

Hermann tastes metal. He removes the device from his head and realizes that his nose is bleeding. Heaving once, he rushes to a toilet pristinely placed amongst the rubble, (which is _ridiculous_ ), and vomits.

A pull at the back of his head somehow alerts him to Newton’s presence and he knows instinctively to reach his hand back. Their fingers touch as he grabs the handkerchief. This is the second time their hands have touched in nearly as many minutes. Hermann’s mind is reeling.

He turns to meet Newton’s eyes and sees the terror in his own mirrored back at him.

They rush for the helicopter.

 

From there on, things are a blur. Hermann’s brain is spinning around on itself, recovering from the drift with a bloody _hive mind_ , working out a plan to not get them all killed, and trying to get over the fact that now it seems as though Newton is never going to _stop_ touching him. 

They run down the hallway, Newton clutching to any part of Hermann he can reach. They breathe each other’s air as they yell instructions into the mic. They lean against each other as tense seconds stretch to minutes…as signals go dead and…

Their arms wrap around each other as it’s over.

The cheering dims Hermann’s hearing to a dull roar. Celebration and exclamations of grief intertwine as everyone takes their first unburdened breath in 12 years. Hermann has no idea how long he’s going to take to come down from all of this, but already his shoulders feel lighter, his chest looser.

He sighs as he feels a hand clap on his shoulder, Tendo passes behind him and gives him a quiet, “Well done, man. Now give him another hug.”

Hermann looks to the side and notices Newton watching the crowd, eyes distant. He steels himself and nods, inching closer to Newton’s side. Newton turns to look at him and, for a brief moment, he looks unsure. But then he beams at him and Hermann can do nothing to hide his own smile as he’s wrapped in a one armed embrace.

It seems like they don’t break apart for hours after that, and for that Hermann is grateful. They had done it together and, if he has anything to say about it, they’ll be doing everything together from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a drift scene before...hopefully it wasn't as mangled as it sounded when I wrote it.


End file.
